Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Romeo Rose Seeks Silly Girl: The Sequel

I know. I know. Romeo Rose has been looking for the perfect girlfriend for years and she hasn't come along. Still, you have to admire his tenacity. He's absolutely sure SillyGirl II, Electric Boogaloo is out there and he won't give up.

So let me ask you this...if you were trolling Craiglist for a boyfriend. (I know. But that's a whole separate discussion, go with me on this...)  If you were trolling Craigslist for a boyfriend would you choose the guy who wants you to be exactly like his ex-girlfriend?

Me either, and neither would any sane woman. Still, Romeo Rose operates under the assumption that referring to his old girlfriend all the time is some sort of chick magnet.

How's that working out for you, Larry??



So the ad:

"I am a 41 year old White man living in South Austin. I am looking for a girlfriend that is at least in the BALLPARK as my ex GF."

This is where 95% of the "thin, pretty, women...I mean..girls..at 41, Romeo Rose still dates girls...this is where 95% of the single girls in Austin would move on to the next guy. No one wants to ever be compared to the ex. No one ever wants to have to BE like the ex.  The ex didn't work out. It's time to move on. Someone who can't move on looks for someone just like the ex and, well, it's never pretty. Women don't want your baggage and they don't want to be your ex.
"Here is a list of things that I liked about my Ex GF."
97% of the women reading the ad are now outtathere. .

•She was White.
•She was only about 130-135 pounds in weight, so she was thin.
•She was beautiful.
•She had zero tattoos.
•She had no piercings other than one earring in each ear.
•She had a hysterectomy young so she did not and could not have kids.
•She was not racist, but she would never have sex with a Black and did not find Blacks physically attractive at all.
•She was very feminine and traditional and also for the most part submissive.
•She considered herself a Christian, and she had normal morals and values.
•She come from a good background, her mom is a retired school teacher.
•She always gave me plenty of time and attention.
•She kept her hair long and Red because she knew I liked it best that way
Have mercy. I know a few non-tatttoed, beautiful, no piercing'd girls but the having a hysterectomy part at an early age is a deal breaker.
•She had a sex drive that was almost as high as mine. She gave me sex any time I wanted it the entire Eleven years we lived together. She was even cool with me having sex with her in the middle of the night while she was asleep if I woke up and wanted to do it whether she was asleep or not. One time we literally had sex 17 times in a single day. I counted 17 ejaculations inside her, we spent the whole day and night making love. She was happy to give me oral sex anytime I wanted it and I did the same for her and she was happy to have sex in every position with me we could imagine and she often dressed up in sexy heels and lingerie or costumes for role play during or sex.
 And this is where the remaining percentage exits the building. Dude. TMI.

•She was the best kisser ever, no one has ever been able to kiss me as well as she could, she was a true master at kissing.
•She loved animals just like me and she also hated hunters and was anti hunting and fishing.
•She also did not care for sports with the exception of the super bowl halftime show each year and winter figure skating.
•She also did not drink much unless it was champagne with me once or twice a year, and she had never done any drugs before not even Pot
•She loved the same music as me Guns N Roses, Ozzy Osbourne, AC/DC, Megadeth, Metallica, Black Crowes, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Steve Vai, Van Halen, Poison, Skid Row, Motley Crue.
•She also liked taking photos and videos of me.
•We liked all the same movies and TV shows, Dexter, The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, Seinfeld, Beavis & Butthead, X Files, South Park. As well as, Pulp Fiction, What Dreams May Come, Rocky Balboa, The Castle, The Jerk, etc.
•She wasn't materialistic, she liked simple things, she was happy with us just going out to dinner or a movie once or twice a month and staying home most of the rest of the time just enjoying each other at home.
•She always encouraged me at anything I wanted to do with life and tried to help me with my dreams, we were like a team.
•She never cheated on me, she was very faithful and very honest.
•She never had a lot of sex or boyfriends before me. She had been single for 4 years before she met me and she never really dated anyone during that time. And before that she had been married to a Engineer for CSX railroad for 10 years and he never gave her any attention and he also had health issues that prevented them from having much of a sex life. And before she married him she never dated much either because her mom was very strict and religious and she also was shy at that early age, so pint is she never did anything trashy like have sex with two guys at once or have a lot of sexual partners. I think I was maybe the 5th man she ever had sex with in her life, maybe even less.
•She was just as much into Alex Jones as I was and she also dislikes the government and believes 911 was a inside job.
•She was very sweet and kind hearted, she was never outspoken like me about any controversial stuff. She also thought Gays were wrong, but it never really bothered her what other people do, nor does it really bother me what others do when you really get down to the bottom of who I am.
•She was a republican and she was very conservative, however she was never as extreme in her views as I am in mine, she was more "middle of the road" politically, and I liked that because that helped balance me out and we were good together.
•She never usually complained or bitched about anything. She was the best girlfriend that anyone could possibly hope to ever be. She did the yardwork, mowed the grass and washed our clothes and dishes and cooked and cleaned the house.
•She was very thoughtful and very intelligent and loving.
Holy Batman on a Cracker, he's not asking for much, is he?  Any woman who considered Romeo Rose after the first paragraph is gone. No one is taking the time to read a long list of expectations, ESPECIALLY if that list describes the ex to a "t."

I'm also attaching photos of me and her so you can see what my taste is. If you think you are as good as she was, message me and lets go out. thanks. -RR-
 Too late. Everyone left, son. 

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