Thursday, December 31, 2015

You Can Buy Romeo Rose's Masterpiece for $4K!

I had a much more interesting post planned for you today (on the inevitable elements of a Romeo Rose forum thread) but it's taking a long time to write and I don't have a long time to write it. Because, life. Since it's been a while, let's do this instead:

Romeo Rose is supposedly selling the rights to his "Lovers" film because for some reason he thinks someone is interested in seeing him slobber and paw all over a grossed out actress. Can you help? He needs $4K so he can pretend to move to Nashville.

What will you do with such a film if you buy it? It's our hope that you'll burn it so it never sees the light of day again.

Highlights include:

"Come! Let us be romantic by staring into the mirror while drinking expensive champagne in cheesy flutes!"

"Let's do an artsy shot of romantic leaves and filthy toenails..."

"It's very romantic to keep your shoes on while dipping your toes in the water!"

"We will portray love with the romantic polluting of the waters!"

"I can almost close my mouth over my big fake teeth!"

"Let me serenade you with my masculine guitar!"

"To prove our love for each other we must feed the fish in this romantic, murky pond!"

 "And spell out romantic words on this magic Scrabble board that appeared out of nowhere!"

"You will drop your panties once I read you my love poem that makes no sense whatsoever..."

 "Please don't look bored. We're sitting on this filthy ground watching peacocks. Peacocks!"

"It's very romantic to always try and cop a quick feel...."

 "Shh. It's not silly. All 41 year old men blow love bubbles!"

 "Let the frolicking commence!"

 "It's not at all creepy for a 41 year old man wearing long sleeves and jeans in the Texas heat to play at the splashy park! This is romance, baby!"

"Stare into my eyes like lovers do, Random Craigslist Actress!"

"For I am Larramie Larry Busby Romeo Rose Jim Paris and I know a thing or two about romance."

Here's the whole shebang in its entirety.

If he's desperate enough, you can talk him into buying it for the $7 it deserves. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to vomit.

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