Thursday, December 31, 2015

You Can Buy Romeo Rose's Masterpiece for $4K!

I had a much more interesting post planned for you today (on the inevitable elements of a Romeo Rose forum thread) but it's taking a long time to write and I don't have a long time to write it. Because, life. Since it's been a while, let's do this instead:



Romeo Rose is supposedly selling the rights to his "Lovers" film because for some reason he thinks someone is interested in seeing him slobber and paw all over a grossed out actress. Can you help? He needs $4K so he can pretend to move to Nashville.

What will you do with such a film if you buy it? It's our hope that you'll burn it so it never sees the light of day again.

Highlights include:

"Come! Let us be romantic by staring into the mirror while drinking expensive champagne in cheesy flutes!"


"Let's do an artsy shot of romantic leaves and filthy toenails..."


"It's very romantic to keep your shoes on while dipping your toes in the water!"



"We will portray love with the romantic polluting of the waters!"


"I can almost close my mouth over my big fake teeth!"


"Let me serenade you with my masculine guitar!"


"To prove our love for each other we must feed the fish in this romantic, murky pond!"



 "And spell out romantic words on this magic Scrabble board that appeared out of nowhere!"


"You will drop your panties once I read you my love poem that makes no sense whatsoever..."



 "Please don't look bored. We're sitting on this filthy ground watching peacocks. Peacocks!"


"It's very romantic to always try and cop a quick feel...."


 "Shh. It's not silly. All 41 year old men blow love bubbles!"


 "Let the frolicking commence!"



 "It's not at all creepy for a 41 year old man wearing long sleeves and jeans in the Texas heat to play at the splashy park! This is romance, baby!"


"Stare into my eyes like lovers do, Random Craigslist Actress!"


"For I am Larramie Larry Busby Romeo Rose Jim Paris and I know a thing or two about romance."




Here's the whole shebang in its entirety.



If he's desperate enough, you can talk him into buying it for the $7 it deserves. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to vomit.


Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Police Dispatched to Romeo Rose's House After Suicidal Forum Post

We want to start off by saying suicide is no laughing matter and all threats of suicide need to be taken seriously and reported to the proper authorities. Even if the threat comes from serial suicide threatener, Romeo Rose.

Before we get to Larry's latest cry for help - or attention, depending on who you ask - let's explore Romeo's suicidal tendencies and/or posts about how dead he is:

September 2008:


Also, 2009:



2014




Oh and 2014 redux....





And then last night again - after posting yet another photo of his nasty junk on yet another forum:




Wait! What do we have here? Why it's Mackenzie Kelly who totally didn't date Romeo Rose!



What a good friend!

People like Romeo Rose are the reason no one believes the people who really do need help. And by dispatching police to his apartment, the correct thing to do when one is threatening suicide, they're being taken away from real emergencies.

Congratulations, Larry. You got the attention you're so desperately craving. Now please go do us all a favor leave the Internet






Monday, December 21, 2015

Romeo Rose Shares Makeup and Manscaping Tips

Ever wonder how Romeo Rose gets his dewey, youthful complexion? He generously shared his facial regime on Twitter so now you, too, can look like this:


Because who needs photo shop when you can have foundation and eyeliner.

I ask you....between fluffy pirate shirts and the blusher on his cheeks, is there a man who is more secure in his masculinity than Romeo Rose?

Want to have Larry's look? All you have to do is ask and he's more than happy to talk about it. And talk about it. And talk about it. And talk about it.





Larry knows how to hide all the flaws. He watched videos!



It's science! Larry really studies up on how to become more attractive And look! He said "women!"

 Maybe it's time to turn off the computer and go to bed, Larry?



So glad you noticed, Sir Anthony...


Clearly Romeo Rose is well studied in hiding flaws.





How's all that working out for you, Larry?







 Sigh. Foiled by hooded eyes.



 Well, you sure fooled us!


 For someone who doesn't care what others think, he sure researched this makeup and appearance thing long enough. If it was anyone else we'd call it "desperation," but it's Larry! Go get 'em, Tiger!


Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Romeo Rose Says Women Want Him to Have a Car Because They're Lazy

Romeo Rose is desperate for people to notice him lately. Between his Twitter and his unwieldy blog, he's got a lot to say. No, really. It's a lot. Like hurt your eyes a lot.  If you're willing to spend five hours trying to decipher a poorly written, long-ass blog post that talks about everything from his former girlfriend's sex drive to Corvettes, go for it.

Even so, I took one for the team and scrolled most of the yammering to the part about why women shouldn't care if he has a car or not. And what a long scroll downward it was.

For shit's sake, Larry. Learn how blogging works, willya.

Where do I even fucking begin with this shite?

Oh yes, Romeo Rose doesn't have a car and that shouldn't be a turn off for any "girl" he dates.


Actually, it should and we're gong to talk about that now. Here's the stupid blog post again for reference. Note giant font.



No it's not crazy. It's perfectly reasonable. Men without cars add a whole layer of issues to the relationship, even if that man's a special snowflake like Romeo Rose.  There's so much
 text we're going with quotes today instead of our usual screenshots.

I never tell a girl up front that I don’t own a car. Never. The reason is simple, I’ve tried it many times in the past and it NEVER even once worked.

You know what's a bigger turnoff than a 41 year old man with no wheels? A 41 year old man who omits this fact and springs it upon you later. Like maybe date night.

As soon as a guy tells a woman he does not have a car he has basically ended the whole relationship right then and there as soon as he makes that statement! I mean, as soon as you tell a girl that, you can forget about her ever becoming your girlfriend, hell, you can even forget about being friends with benefits even, you can even also forget about just getting her in bed as a one night stand.

He basically goes on for about 500 words to say the same thing over and over - if he tells a woman he doesn't have a car it's a deal breaker. See how I did that in one sentence? Moving on...

If you’ve read many online dating profiles, I am sure you will come across something like the following, VERY often:
“MUST have 1. MUST have your own place 2. MUST have a job. 3. MUST have a car.”
Now, I can totally under stand number one and number two… Not having your own place would mean that you are one of three things 1. Homeless 2. Still live with your parents or 3. Share a place with roommates. Now, all 3 of those things would be negative things that show you don’t even have enough money and responsibility to provide your own shelter and independence. And, even more importantly, what woman wants to come have sex with you if you have parents or roommates in the way? Zero privacy. Then we have number two, unless you are independently wealthy or rich enough to make ends meet without having a actual job, then you should have a job and be making money. So that makes sense too.
However, MUST have a car? That makes absolutely no sense to me.

It makes perfect sense because a car indicates stability and responsibility. And how old are the women in the profiles Romeo Rose is reading anyway? Because it's automatically assumed most men over 30 don't live with their parents and no one even needs to mention it.

So here are my theories on that, and why I think they are stupid. Number one… Women think if a man doesn’t own a car then he must not have any money. That’s not true for several reasons. Maybe he simply feels he does not NEED a car. Perhaps he lives within walking distance to work, and he would rather walk or ride a bicycle. Maybe he would rather get the exercise. Maybe he cares about the environment and doesn’t want to add to the pollution of the environment by owning a car.
 In Larry's manifesto he clearly states he doesn't care about the environment, so there goes that theory. Also, since he keeps saying he wants to move but can't afford it, the not having money thing holds water too.

  And judging by this:


...I'm going to go ahead and assume biking and walking aren't something Larry is doing for long stretches, either.

What else ya got, Larry?

Also, think about this, think about how often you actually spend driving your car each day… Maybe you are one of those people that’s always in the road, always on the go, but I am NOT one of those people. So think about people like me, people that own a car but actually drive it very little. OK, so I don’t have a car right now, but if I did I’d drive it VERY little!  I basically would only use it to drive to work and back.
 One's mileage varies as to how much time is spent in cars, true. Consider work, errands, shuffling kids around (if you have them and Larry doesn't because he prefers his women without a uterus), and enjoying different activities from time to time. That's a significant time spent in cars.

 Do I want to help my man lug groceries from the HEB? No. Do I want to accompany my man on the bus every time we want to go to dinner or a movie. No. Do I want the onus of driving to fall on me every time we go somewhere unwalkwable? Hell no. And neither do most women.

Also I forgot to mention in the above section, the sections explaining the reasons why I don’t own a car, I should just also mention here that I do NOT like driving at night time! Nor do I like driving in the rain! So even if I had a car, I would almost NEVER drive in the rain or dark!
Just as  Larry doesn't like to drive in the rain, or the dark, or the daylight, or on days that end with "y," there are women who don't like men without cars.  I mean, if someone is going to choose not to drive, fine. But don't spin it to be so unreasonable for someone to want their man to have a car. We all have to do things we don't like. It's called Being a Grownup. Not having a car is a deal breaker because women want to date men who are grownups. Period.

So think about this a minute… that means if I had a job that required me to get off work after sundown, I’d probably still take a bus or taxi etc even if I owned a car, just to avoid driving in the dark or rain!

No probably about it. Larry DOES take the bus everywhere.

So back to the point I was making…

Crikey. We still haven't gotten to the point yet?

If someone is ONLY using their car to get to and from work each day, if that’s what makes up 90% of all their driving… is it truly worth the expense and worry of having a car????
 Yes.

Larry then goes another million paragraphs calculating time spent in a car and why it's a whole bunch of unnecessary stress and money. Because having a car means putting out money on insurance and gas. Which he feels is a waste for something he's only using to get back and forth and work.


Except if Larry had a car he'd use it for more than work like we all do. He takes the bus to work or dates or trips to the mall, wouldn't he do the same with a car? Isn't that what we all do?

Christ on a cracker. I mean. I just can't. I can't.

More long paragraphs harping on the same point.  Time spent in car. Money spent on car. Guitars are more important than cars even though he doesn't make a living with his millions of guitars. Blah. Blah. Fucking blah.

So, a man that does not own a car SAVES a LOT of money! I actually have MORE money than many of the people that I’ve worked with at jobs the last several years due to the fact that they spend 25% of their monthly NET income on the expense of owning their car, if not more! 
 No he doesn't have more money than people he works with. Let's just call bullshit on that right now.
Larry's been going on and on for weeks about how he has no money and he needs to save $2500 to get out of town. Don't tell me he has more money than people with cars.

I can buy a monthly bus pass for $42 which only requires me to spend less than 2.5 hours of my life working for that month.
We'll save the "women like a man with a strong work ethic" argument for another time. However, I can assure you that women don't want to take the bus nor do they want to date the guy that takes the bus. They especially don't want to be around a cheap ass who prioritizes guitars over transportation.

Some people will argue that owning a car gives you a sense of Independence… I will tell you right now, that’s a FALSE sense of independence! You may think you are independent, but you are NOT. 

He's right. Nothing says "independence" like waiting at the bus stop and having to confirm to life along the bus route.

Well maybe you are if you are independently wealthy and don’t HAVE to have a job and work for your money. If so then it don’t matter, buy your car. But if you have to have a job and work so you can make money in order to survive then owning a car is actually helping to ENSLAVE you! It’s taking away 25% of your income for the rest of your life! See above. That’s NOT any kind of independence I ever heard of hahaha!
 Because Larry hasn't ever had to be independent. He mooched off his great grandmother for years. After that he lived in Silly Girl's house and drove in Silly Girl's car while she did all the work around the house. It wasn't until she kicked his ass to the curb that Larry actually had to fend for himself. (After she came to Austin to help him get into an apartment.) Thank goodness he found his independence riding the bus and paying rent.

Let freedom fucking ring.

One of my main goals in life is to get to a point where my monthly expenses are so little and small that I can actually do some type of work from my home to cover everything I need money for so that I can work for myself and basically just make my own hours, come and go as I want, do as I please and answer to no one.

If not having a car isn't a deal breaker, we're getting into deal breaking territory now. Larry just laid out the real root of the problem here. It's not about freedom and money and time spent in a car, it's being so lazy and self centered he can't see beyond what he wants for himself.

And yet, he can't understand why he can't get a date.

It continues. More repetition. Blah, blah. Time is money. blah blah. Ride the bus. Blah blah. Huntington, WV, blah, blah. Lots of stuff he just said 40 times over and over. Blah. Blah. Comparing himself to NY'ers. Blah blah. Use Lyft. Take the bus. Blah blah.

So, moving on to my Number 2 theory on why girls won’t give a man a chance unless he has a car…
 Wait? What? We're just getting to point #2?  Jesus take the wheel...

Women think if a man doesn’t have a car then that for some reason means that THEY will then have to drive the man everywhere he wants to go the entire time in the relationship. There is absolutely ZERO logic in that way of thinking!
Really? I see plenty of logic here. Two people in a relationship, one person with a car. Who is going to do the driving? Regardless of Larry's intentions, the person with the car will do the bulk of the driving. Why? BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO TAKE THE FUCKING BUS EVERYWHERE.

If the other person in the relationship has a car she will be doing the majority of driving. She will be driving to see you. Driving to dates. Driving you both to places so she doesn't have to take the bus.
Think about this… If you are a girl, and you and I start dating each other or living with each other… why would you think I’m going to now all of a sudden need you to take me everywhere that I want to go??? I was able to find some sort of a way to get everywhere that I needed to go before I met you, I can continue to do the same, I don’t need to rely on you for my transportation needs.

It's not that it's assumed he's going to be chauffeured everywhere. But if there's anywhere they need to go as a couple, the woman is going to do the driving because the alternative is the bus, walking, or cabs.  If a couple is living together and only one person has a car, that person will want to drive to get groceries and run errands because NO ONE WANTS TO LUG GROCERIES HOME ON A BUS, LARRY. Yeah, you can continue taking the bus, but your girlfriend won't want to. Thus, she will be driving everywhere.

If we are living together, and we are going to the same place, then why would we want to drive in separate cars to get there???

If I am together with someone, then I like to be with them most of the time. That means I’d want to be riding with them if we were going somewhere together.

My point exactly. Larry just admitted that if there's driving to be done, his girlfriend has to do it. Yet he doesn't understand why this is a problem.  He goes on for a while about how they should be a one car relationship like it was with Silly Girl and how it's not a problem for her to drive him when they do couple stuff. More paragraphs saying the same thing over and over. Blah blah.

In a worst case scenario, if the girl just wanted to be a bitch in the relationship and not give me a ride anywhere at all, then I’d just get around the same way I got around before I met her, no big deal.
 Back the fucking truck up.

 Larry doesn't want to drive and doesn't think he should drive and feels he should do what he pleases and not answer to anyone. YET if a woman doesn't want to give his lazy ass rides, she's a bitch???

 How is Romeo Rose still wondering why he doesn't have a girlfriend?

And last, the 3rd theory on why I think a man not having a car is a turn off to women. Women are LAZY.

Oh. No. He. Didn't.

A lot of women are seeking a man that will basically do EVERYTHING for them, pamper them and take care of them like some sort of helpless infant… well, I am NOT your man and never will be!

 And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is why Romeo Rose is still single.

Some women think a man should come pick them up for a date and then drop them off! That is ridiculous. And… it’s a double standard that they have too! Yeah! They refuse to date a man without a car because they think it’d mean that they would have to be his girlfriend as well as personal taxi service, but yet, that’s EXCATLY what they are expecting out of the man! They want the man to pick them up and drop them off on a date, like a taxi service, but yet they would refuse to do the same.

This is how you know that Larry hasn't experienced a real partnership. Because in most relationships the man doesn't ONLY drive and pick up the woman, nor does the woman ONLY drive. It's give and take.

Many women also see cars as a status symbol, and they judge the man based on how expensive the car he drives is, because all they care about is how much money does the guy make so they can have a idea on how much easier would their life be if they gave their self to this man to have, what could he buy her, what security could HIS money give to her etc. etc.

Good thing for Larry he'll never have to worry about that.

There's a little more, but it's stupid. Larry is stupid. His logic is stupid. And any woman who ever hooks up with him is stupid.

I can't anymore.

Friday, December 11, 2015

How to Be Romeo Rose's Girlfriend: A Brief Primer (NSFW)

Stand in line, ladies, Romeo Rose is single and looking to mingle. Before you write him off as a late bloomer who takes his romantical ideals from Mrs. Robinson, porn, The Pickup Artist and bodice rippers, know that he worked very hard to cultivate the image and personna of Romeo Rose: The Romantic.

Romeo Rose: Evolution of a Romantic

Step:1 in becoming the ultimate romantic? Lose the dull name.

 

Larry Busby? Yawn. Romeo Rose? Now that's romantic!

Step 2: Take your fashion tips from Fabio and Harlequin Romances


Crushed velvet? Satin? Frills? It takes a man who is truly secure in his masculinity to pull off this look, especially when he's wearing it as a 40 year old. Romeo Rose has the stylin' down!


Step 3: It's all about the smile, ladies. 

The makeover is almost complete. One more element is needed...

Nasty brown teeth? Not romantic! Giant veneers? RRRRRAwrrrr!  (Except eww. Tartar.)
  Hey there, hotness!


You too can be Romeo Rose's Newest Silly Girl!  

Oh sure, Romeo Rose might have seemed like a socially awkward young man at one time, but don't let the fact that he had his first kiss when he was 24 throw you off. He's had plenty of years to practice. After all, he had a good teacher.

He called her "Silly Girl" and she was 18 years his senior when they met --and he wants you to be exactly like her! You can totally do this ladies!

Fortunately, Romeo Rose left instructions - a manual, if you will - on how to be exactly like Silly Girl!

Now ladies, don't feel intimidated by Romeo Rose's Giant List of Expectations, even if you feel you have some incredibly big shoes to fill. Think of each requirement as items in your love primer and that you're in training to be the ideal Juliet to Romeo Rose.

Ready for a life of 24/7 romance? Let's go!

 

Step 1: Sex. Lots of Sex!

I know you like to sleep at night and need to work during the day, but we're talking about Romeo Rose, here. This is a chance to be the girlfriend of a legendary Austin chick magnet. Just close your eyes and giddyup. It'll be over in a few hours.

 

Step 2: Always be available....for sex!!

 

In case you didn't understand the importance of Step 1.

Sex is important. So important that you have to make yourself available at any time. Jim Bob Duggar would so approve.

Bonus points if you can get rid of that messy uterus!



 

Step 3: After sex, save your energy for what's really important!


Don't worry about visits to the salon, shopping, or pampering yourself,  even if Romeo Rose does all that stuff for himself. He is the only high maintanance person allowed in the relationship.

Don't worry, Ladies. If you work real hard he'll let you get your nails done once in a while as a treat. The important thing is you save your energy so you can get things done around the house.

There's no free ride with Romeo Rose, ladies, unless of course he's the one doing the riding.

 

Step 4: Be tattoo and piercing free!


Don't worry, though! It's not a total deal breaker if it means Romeo Rose gets to first base.


 

Step 5: Be prepared for everyone to know your personal business....

 

...and have your whole life videotaped and uploaded for public consumption!

 

 

Even if it might be a little embarrassing...

 



 

Step 6: Just say no to drugs!

 


Unless you're a crack whore and Romeo Rose needs to buy them for you in order to get laid. Then it's perfectly OK - you know in case you want to role play one day.

 

Step 7: Causes are important.

 

Romeo Rose is very conscientious and quite passionate when it comes to the plight of the poor, oppressed, straight white man. Be prepared to take up the cause with him.

Don't worry about concerning yourself with other people's struggles. Straight, white men like Romeo Rose need you more.

 

Step 8: Keep the right kinds of company. 

 


Straight. White. Men. This is important.

 

Go for it, Ladies!

 


Think you got what it takes to be the next Silly Girl 2: Electric Boogaloo? Well go for it ladies! If you work out you too can drink your champagne out of adorable Eiffel Tower glasses - and if you're real good he may even let you wear your filthy, nasty shoes in bed!


 

Now go and get your prize!